October 2009
23 posts
The Truth About The Best Episode
1. The episode of the ABC show where they go to Disneyland or Disneyworld. On Roseanne Darlene gives in and hugs Winnie The Pooh and has a great time. On Family Matters Laura and Stephan (that’s Ste-faun) get engaged. Every episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition.
2. The Halloween Episode. Sure last nights Halloween Community was great but the real winner is Boy Meets World. They’re...
The Truth About Things One Should Master
1. The art of the joke callback. When done correctly this is the highest form of comedy. It’s funny then, it’s funnier later.
2. The perfect yogurt concoction. One must be vary wary of outlandish flavors. To regret your yogurt choice is to regret your life and no one wants that. Please, PLEASE be careful not to put carob chips on your treat instead of chocolate chips. This is the...
The Truth About The Morning
1. Hangovers. The best way to avoid a morning from hell caused by a hangover is to sleep til at least noon.
2. Alarm Clocks. Second worst invention of all time. Number one is the snooze button. Nobody likes a tease.
3. Morning Wood. My dreams are never good enough to wake up with an erection. I think I’m dreaming incorrectly.
4. Brunch. The only reason to get up…ever. So many...
The Truth About Dating Prejudices
1. Dating a guy that’s shorter than you. Sure, he might be awesome, but you just don’t want to do it. It should be assumed that if he’s shorter than you, he has a small penis and a Tom Cruise crazy inferiority complex. He will make your 2-year-old wear high heels.
2. Fat Chicks. Not happening.
3. A guy that’s younger than you. Even something as small as a year is...
The Truth About Facial Hair
1. Having a beard is a terrific way to seem more interesting than you actually are. Everything you do seems cooler. Indie even.
2. Moustaches. When done correctly a moustache can offer a kind of rugged whimsy. By correctly I of course mean in full. If you lack the testosterone to do this, please don’t try. There is nothing sadder then a Le Tigre moustache on a man.
3. Chin Straps. That...
The Truth About The Worst Things That Could Happen
1. The hair dresser cuts your hair too short. Sure, the entire bottom half of your hair was entirely dead. Sure, it looks a lot healthier now. BUT, It was so close to nipple length and my never having to wear a shirt ever again.
2. You could be blowing a guy for a half hour and then find out they’re selling tickets at the door. Aziz Ansari’s Raaaaaaaandy is a genius....
Halloween Costume Idea
Mackenzie Philips. Bell Bottoms and a t-shirt that says Daddy’s Little Girl.
Sexy Chucky from Child’s Play
Peg Bundy
Which one?
The Truth About Topic's One Can't Discuss Openly
1. How much art generally sucks and how museums are not fun unless there is science.
2. How fat someone is. You can talk about how much weight someone has lost right to their face. But if someone got fat, you have to talk about them behind their back. Which isn’t hard because their back is huge because they are fat.
3. How much you like that Jason Mraz song I’m Yours.
4. Your...
The Truth About Topics You Would Talk About All...
1. Your hair. We all would talk about our hair allllll of the time. How good it looks. How bad it looks. How it’s doing this weird flick thing. How you’ve got a 3 part mini series on your head and desperately need to get it colored. Despite the fact that this is all we want to talk about, this is the least interesting thing to hear about from someone else.
2. Second by second details...
The Truth About Things To Do At Your Parents House...
1. Meth. The lab is already set up, you might as well put it to good use.
2. Walk around naked. Sure, you don’t really need to do this. In fact you might not even want to, but you will….because you can.
3. Look in all the cabinets. One has the ability to do this pretty much any time. Times like, when your parents are home, but you won’t until they’re gone. It gives you...
http://otherpeoplelikeit.wordpress.com/ →
Do you wish there was a blog that was related to this one by blood? Check out my brothers blog. He writes about things you would care about if you were smarter. Plus he gives you that whole American living in South Korea take on today that is so sorely missed on the Internet.
The Truth About Tattoo's One Should Consider...
1. Abraham Lincoln’s face as a tramp stamp.
2. “Your doing it wrong” on your vagina.
3. Chewbacca’s face on your face.
4. Anything that incorporates your pubic hair into the design. The tattoo ages with you!
5. A portrait of the cast of The Nanny.
The Truth About Beauty
1. Physical beauty is the only kind of beauty. Inner beauty is something ugly women made up to make themselves feel better and give ugly men something to compliment them on.
2. That guy that walks around talking about how he gets overcome by all the beauty in the world does in fact suck my dick. He said it was beautiful. That was nice of him.
3. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe they...
The Truth About Television Shows You Secretly...
1. Pokemon. You used to come home from school, make yourself some mac and cheese and go to town on some sweet sweet Pokemon. In fact, you can sing the theme song. Pikachu, you really are my best friend!
2. Living Single. As a seven year old, you really identified with the six twenty-something black men and woman living in Brooklyn. You really identified with Queen Latifah’s Khadijah because...
The Truth About Huge Mistakes
1. Everything you wore in 8th grade. Those t shirts from Millers Outpost with the monkeys on them….not cute.
2. Fucking that unconscious 13 year old. Am I right or am I right Roman?
3. Not letting me plan your wedding. Seriously. I think I’d be good at this. Think about it. When you think of romance, I immediately spring to mind. Right……right?
4. That last piece of...
Blow Up The Moon! →
NASA will tomorrow launch a spectacular mission to bomb the Moon. Their LCROSS mission will blast off from Cape Canaveral, Florida, carrying a missile that will blast a hole in the lunar surface at twice the speed of a bullet. The missile, a Centaur rocket, will be steered by a shepherding spacecraft that will guide it towards its target - a crater close to the Moon’s south pole. Scientists...
The Truth About Getting Your Life Together
1. Go to a family event. Actually have an answer when someone asks you what you’re up to. Feel a surge of something you’ve never felt before. It’s called self esteem. It’s called self esteem.
2. If possible, get a job. It helps with number 1.
3. Working during the day and sleeping at night is an excellent way to feel like a human being. Who knew?
4. Take tequila shots...
The Truth About Horrible Halloween Costume Ideas
1. Sexy Terri Schiavo. Hooker wear + wheelchair + slack jaw = bad idea.
2. Keyboard Cat. Hmm, wait this one might actually be a good idea, but then again it might just be me writing this at 3 am. Only time will tell.
3. David Carradine. The Steve Irwin of 2009.
4. Caster Semenya. I’m already half way there.
5. Mackenzie Phillips. Do you guys think I could convince my dad to dress up as...
The Truth About Wisconsin
1. I’m going to Milwaukee tomorrow for the weekend. For a wedding. Super excited, but my mother and I are going to have a Saturday afternoon to kill. Anyone ever been to Milwaukee? What is there to do? You know besides drink beer and eat cheese. Wait, let me rephrase that, in addition to drink beer and eat cheese. Help!?
