The Truth About Passover
1. Why is this night different from all other nights? Well, instead of watching Lost and eating tacos, on this night you get drunk and eat brisket. Upgrade. 2. Why is it that on all other nights during the year we eat either bread or matzoh, but on this night we eat only matzoh? I call bullshit. No one eats matzoh unless they have to. There’s always someone at your Seder that says they love...
Check out BFF Amy’s new job!
I’m just going to trade my horse for some water toys.
The Truth About My Inability To Think Of Anything...
1. Sup mediocrity? I luv u! 2. Is it possible that I’ve already complained about everything there is to complain about? 3. Maybe my brain is shrinking due all the late nights and early mornings. 4. I seemed to have out snarked myself and ended up on the other side. The other side being complacent geniality. ew. 5. This probably has everything to do with my depression. My depression...
Oprah came in the door and my daughter immediately was like “C’mere, C’mere” and...– Tina Fey talking about her 4 & a half year old daughter Alice’s first meeting with Oprah, while on Letterman last night. (via suicideblonde)
The Truth About Aging
1. We all become our parents. 2. Katherine Bigalow. Someone has been eating babies. What the hell man. That woman is almost 60. 3. A friend, who shall remain nameless because this makes them seem crazy, stopped drinking out of straws in an effort to combat non-existant wrinkles around her mouth. I love straws. I am so lazy that I’d rather wrinkle than bring a cup all the way to my mouth. ...
180 proof tequila .75L factory sealed and smooth. Samples avaliable :) Several bottles to sell $25 each This is safe
The Truth About Health Care
1. Under the new bill, Young adults will be able to stay on their parents’ health plans until the age of 26. So I’m thinking I’m going to quit my job. Thanks Dad! Who’s coming with me? 2. A 10% tax on indoor tanning salons that use ultaviolet lamps goes into effect on July 1st. MY BASE COAT!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 3. I’m going to get siiiiick. 4. In the...
The Truth About My Recent Google Searches
1. Whoopie Goldberg eyebrows 2. Tina Turner Private Dancer lyrics 3. Terry Richardson penis 4. Passover dates 5. “China still cool, you pay later.”
The Truth About Hall and Oates
Daryl Hall (born Daryl Franklin Hohl on October 11, 1946) and John Oates (born John William Oates on April 7, 1949) first met each other at the Adelphi Ballroom in Philadelphia in 1967. At the time they met, each was heading his own musical group, Hall with The Temptones and Oates with The Masters. They were there for a band competition when gunfire rang out between two rival gangs, and in trying...
The Truth About The Morning After
1. Ouch. 2. After an evening of drinking it is coming to awake screaming, “I’m never drinking ever again.” This is a lie. You will drink again. Possibly as soon as the following evening. This truth should not in anyway hinder you from making the proclamation anyway. 3. Smeared make up. Tattooed eyeliner is stupid and borderline insane, but hmm maybe that’s a good idea. ...
The best doughnut? That’s Peter Pan doughnuts in Brooklyn. It’s a Polish bakery....– Tina Fey in Esquire, April 2010 (via suicideblonde)
http://thiswontlastlong.tumblr.com/ My Cryptic Hero
New great idea!
ckideas: Smokable birth control! Cory Knapp everyone.
My Friends Are Talented →
The Truth About Craigslist Warning Signs
1. Rooms/Shared. Sober Living. *shudders* 2. Missed Connection. If this wasn’t you but you’re interested…ewwwwww 3. Barter. Tattoo work in exchange for anything. This person is not a good tattoo artist. Your Twilight tattoo will be written in the wrong font. 4. Casual Encounters. See all. 5. Gigs. Amateur Female Model wanted. This is a crying while taking your top off ala...
The Truth About The Academy Awards
1. Sean Penn. You crazy ass mother fucker. What the hell were you talking about. Rambling and looking like a meth addict is not going to help you make people forget you were Spicoli. You’ve spent the last 25 years trying to get away from Fast Times and then you dragged us all back with your incoherent mess of an introduction. Seriously dude, People on ‘ludes should not drive. 2. Best...
The Truth About My Life Sucking
Just dropped my phone in the sink. Hey universe, I need that thing. It’s how I find out where to go to score drugs.
The Truth About Insulting Phrases
1. That’s actually a good idea.You’re surprised that I had a good idea? Of course it’s a good idea. It’s my idea. 2. You look tired. This is basically a polite way to tell someone they look like shit. 3. No offense, but… Nope. I take a offense. No offense, but that shirt makes you look fat. It’s a I’mma let you finish but Beyonce had one of the greatest...