It's Birthday, Bitch →
July 28th Birthday Soulja Boy, 20 Dustin Milligan, 25 Elizabeth Berkley, 38 Alexis Arquette, 41 Lori Loughlin, 46 Sally Struthers, 63 Rick Wright, 67 (deceased) Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, 81(deceased)
You have nice boobs and youre pretty. Happy birthday– Brian
The Truth About Birthdays
If you want everyone to celebrate your birthday you should become a martyr. Everyone comes out and parties on Jesus’ birthday. In fact, there tend to be more birthdays in September and October due to all the sex during Jesus’ birthday. The song Happy Birthday To You was never really copyrighted. That was just a really elaborate and extremely funny joke on the waiters at TGIFriday. ...
The Truth About What Men Want
A lady in the street but a freak in the bed. YEAH To be told they look good. Dudes are just like girls. They too need constant reassurance that they look good. Also, ladies, this can be good for you. Pretty much every time you tell him he looks nice, he’ll say you too. And as we all know there is no greater feeling than receiving a you too! For you to shut your stupid whore mouth. Anal...
I had a nightmare last night that I was at a bar...
(via pageantdad) Welp. I know what I’ll be nightmaring for the rest of my life.
ckideas: This Weekend at Alex’s Bar Tues, July 20, 2010 - Darth Vato Presents - The Night Marchers, The Obits, Tijuana Panthers - $12 adv/$14 dos - Purchase your advance tickets here Is this real life? Is this going to be forever?
Married Couple looking for a Female roomate to... →
Married couple, educated, fun, mid 40s, seeks female looking to exchange room and board for supporting household and husband’s needs. We have a nice home, are a respectable successful couple, looking for that extra spark and support in life. Let’s enjoy!
So I went to bed around 11pm last night. I didn’t actually fall asleep until around 1am though. Anyway, I dreamed that I was living in a different time zone and because of this I was not going to wake up on time and therefore would be late for work. So I kept waking up and staring at the clock doing this elaborate math problem to figure out what time I actually needed to wake up. Which, I...
The Truth About Don't Say That
Irregardless. That is not a word. Seriously, you sound retarded. I’ll just nuke it. WHAT?!? Don’t say make love, it’s gross. Don’t call the comics from the paper the funnies. Don’t tell your ex girlfriend that you hope she gets raped.
Possible plots for future Ziggy comics.
ckideas: Ziggy wants to buy a record, but the store has replaced the jazz section with rap. Ziggy goes to the library, but it is closed. The bowling ally does not have a ball small enough for Ziggy’s hands. Ziggy gets a tetanus shot after he is raped by a squirrel in the park. Ziggy takes a whole bottle of sleeping pills, but they are placebos. Ziggy goes to shoot up a shopping mall, but it...
The Truth About Things I Did Today That I...
I ate one of those beef quesadilla’s from the gas station. Well, apparently I hate myself. I googled Paris Hilton. I actually wondered what she was up to. I facebook stalked my ex boyfriends ex girlfriend. Why would I possibly do that? That’s just dumb. I read the trivia section about all the Twilight movies on imdb. They fixed the air conditioner in my office. My desk is somehow...
The Truth About Meeting New People
You will not remember anyone’s name. Some asshole will be able to remember everyone name by using some mnemonic device, but this in fact makes him a weenie. (Weenie is, of course, a technical term) You, not being a weenie, will have to resort to looking through people things for something with their name on it when they go to the bathroom. Someone will look like someone you don’t...
Anonymous asked: What do you like sexually?
Anonymous asked: Do you have a boyfriend?
The Truth About Being Home
I’m home! Expect lots of Jewish updates in the near future