Wow, this was totally me at around age 21. Man, I was a dick.
…also I can double and triple it, so I can see the picture within the picture within the picture within the pattern, if I so choose.
One is faced with the terrifying prospect of actually doing ones job.
There is no way of knowing if anyone has liked the most recent funny thing you said…..they probably liked it. You’re very funny…..and pretty…..right? RIGHT?
This is terrible marketing for the October 1st opening of The Social Network.
Are peoples farms dying? Do people still play that? Hasn’t everyone blocked that shit from their newsfeed?
The real world is scary.
Do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement?
Sad but true.
The Truth About Taking Every Opportunity To Say Preach On Sister
Last night a friend’s 18 year old daughter was trying to peer pressure me to start doing drugs over the phone from her college in Evansville, Ind.
Justin Bieber’s favorite color
Jailbait the MTV tv movie
Men who cheat.
What is Zestra? (did you guys know this exists?!)
When old people say they hooked up it means something completely different.
A good looking older lady is a cougar and a good looking older gentleman is a silver fox. Where is the nick name for painfully awkward mid 20’s not a girl not yet a woman ladies? Where is the nickname for those of us who need time, a moment that is mine?
I’m the same age now that Monica Lewinsky was when she was blowing the president. I haven’t blown any presidents. I gotta step up my game.
Old dudes it’s acceptable to date: Jeff Goldblum. In fact, dude is dating Alex from Lost. He is 36 years older than her. But maybe he’s…uh…tenacious.
Old dudes it’s unacceptable to date: Mel Gibson. Dude has anger issues………..sugar tits.
It’s harder than it looks. One might think that letting someone walk all over them would be easy. But in fact, it’s a struggle going against everything that you were taught by your parents and more importantly very special episodes of classic early 90’s sitcoms.
One has to get very used to being lied to. In fact, if you can convince yourself that whatever you’re thinking is crazy it will all go down easier.
Never and I mean never listen to the music of strong female singer song writers. One might get the wrong impression and think they’re capable of something more than they are.
Always blame yourself. Even, especially, when there is no possible way it is your fault. Maybe if you were thinner.
Cry, a lot. Promise yourself it’s the last time anyone will make you feel that way. Then start all over. But, to be fair, I’m sure it’ll be different this time.