The “I’m not looking for a relationship” talk. Personally, as someone who’s single and dating for pretty much the first time in my adult life, I’m not looking for a boyfriend. But when do you bring this up. In the past, I’ve found that people that say this too early into dating are covering something up. But other side of the coin, people that wait too long and let that excitement form are dicks. Solution: Die alone.

The “you’re treating me poorly” talk. It’s 2012, that means no one is allowed to make you feel like you’re crazy. I’m a grown ass woman. If someone is making me feel small I’m going to say something. I will never be a victim of gas lighting again. AM I RIGHT LADIEZ!?!

The “I’m not going to have sex with you” talk. When did dudes start going for it on the first date?

The “have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?” talk. I do like beards….hmmm.

The “I know we just met but I really feel a connection with you” talk. Nope. 100% always bullshit. I can take my own pants off thank you.